riverside_ep_7_ 2024 reflections... _ dec 27, 2024 001_krystal_ wilson's s
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Welcome back to the She Who Dares podcast. I'm your host, Crystal Wilson, and I'm really excited about today's episode. I am going to be really doing a reflection of my 2024 and then leaving you guys at the end of this episode with some really powerful ways that you can also reflect on the year that you've just had.
I know for so many people, I've seen a lot of people posting around like 2024 being a really difficult and hard year for a lot of people. You know, I had a difficult and hard year, but not in like a super negative way, even though there were many negative things that happened, but I'm really proud of the way that I reacted, responded to the things that were [00:03:00] happening around me. if you listen to last week's episode. Episode six, I spoke about the seven deadly sins that will block your success in 2025. And a lot of these things were focusing on like the negative.
So like where you self sabotage yourself, like your self talk, your self concept. And it was really about a powerful process of looking back over the year Where you can now recognize in hindsight, you know, things that you want to change and shift so you can have more success in 2025. And so with this episode today, I really want to focus on the reflection process from a positive angle.
Okay. And I think it's really important to do both. And this is the process that I do for myself each year as well. And so today is really about reflecting on my 2024. And how I navigated [00:04:00] business, IVF, a lot of loss and a lot of grief and still managed to have a really great year, even though lots of, you know, perceived negative and hard and difficult things happened in my year.
And so where I wanna start is actually looking in reflection of my 2024, what are the gifts that I gave myself? So what are the, gifts that I gave myself when I reflect back on the year that I've had? And so when I think of those gifts, I wanna start with the first really big gift.
And what's really interesting is. When I look at all the gifts, I'm going to share with you the gifts that I gave myself in 2024. And I'm talking, you know, emotional, spiritual gifts, not like tangible, physical things. One thing you'll know about me is those things don't matter to me. I'm all about experiences over like materialistic [00:05:00] stuff.
But when I look back at the gifts, what's really interesting is a lot of my gifts. Also in my reflection of my struggles for the year. And I think that's a really powerful mindset is that I've taught myself and that I also teach my clients is, always looking for.
The deeper meaning the gift in the, struggle, you know and that's not to say to like bypass our struggles, it's very much about feeling what you need to feel honoring what was hard and what was a challenge for you, but also like looking at it from a much wider lens and also looking for like, what did that struggle challenge failure teach you because I really believe And I've spoken about this a lot on the podcast.
I really believe that our greatest challenges, struggles, failures usually holds our greatest gifts, our [00:06:00] greatest lessons, our biggest breakthroughs. So I want to share with you guys some of my gifts and what you'll see is that when I go to some of my struggles and hardships of the year, they're very similar.
The first big thing we did this year, when I say we, I speak about me and my fiance Bruce is we actually have lived in Brisbane for the last decade and we made a really big move this year. We actually moved to what I consider to be like a country town. Two hours from Brisbane called Toowoomba. And you know, it's one of those things, those moves that I made that made no sense to anyone in my life.
Like our friends, my family, probably people on the internet who kind of watched me talk about moving to Toowoomba were like, what the fuck is up with that? Like, why would anyone want to move there? Like, why would you leave Brisbane? And there was a lot of different reasons that we chose to move. That made sense.
One of them being Bruce's mom [00:07:00] lives here and his stepdad, and it was an opportunity for us to live somewhere new, but also be able to spend more quality time with his mom. And Bruce and I both work remote. Well, I work for myself, obviously from home, but my partner, fiance Bruce, he works 100% remote as well.
So we have that freedom to really live anywhere we wanted. And Toowoomba was one of the places on our radar and for us, we looked in lots of different areas and it was very much about finding the right home environment is really important to us because we both work at home and we've both worked at home in each other's space.
Like we live together, we basically work together. 100 percent of the time. So our environment is incredibly important to us because we spend so much time in our home. And so we were looking at lots of different places, which included Toowoomba, and we ended up finding this house in Toowoomba that we actually [00:08:00] moved into, and it was everything that we wanted.
And it was, The first home that we drove up to to come and view, and it all happened. So like miraculously and so beautifully, and I fully believe that I manifested this house, it was like the exact vision in my mind. So when Bruce showed me on a Friday night, the. Rental for this property. He was like, do you want to go see this one?
I was like, absolutely. And there had been no other home into Wumba or anywhere else outside of Brisbane that we had gone and viewed and we'd been looking for months. And so we got up early the next day. We drove here and can I tell you, like, I'm such a kinesthetic, energetic person. I make decisions based on how it makes me feel.
And it's such a guttural, emotional. And so the minute we actually got here, we drove down the street. To this house, parked [00:09:00] the car and got out, I said to Bruce, this is the house. This is it. This is where we're meant to live. This is exactly what I want. And cause I could just feel it energetically. And so we view the house and that was even just a bonus.
Like once we actually got in the house, we walked around it. It was a hundred year old cottage. So perfect renovated in the places that we wanted it to be renovated, but still had all of that beautiful charm. And so we then got manifesting cause there was about 12, 15 other people who are here to view it.
There were also incredibly interested and we did something every day, which I call an energetic alignment method. So we energetically aligned ourselves. to manifesting, creating, , living in this home. And I kind of call it like the movie method. So what we did is after we saw the house, we got our application in every morning, I would wake up and we're having our morning coffee in bed and I would say to [00:10:00] Bruce, okay, tell me what it's going to be like, describe to me in detail what it's going to be like waking up in our new home in Toowoomba, describing what we're going to do in the weekend, like, how is it going to feel?
And I would ask and probe Bruce, all of these questions to, Get him to like, describe to me what it's going to feel like, what it's going to look like, what our new life and tool was going to be and feel like. And then he would do the same to me. And this is an energetic alignment process that I teach. And I call it the movie method.
And so we were creating a movie in our minds of already being in this home and the life we're going to create, how it was going to feel, the things we were going to buy, how we're going to make it our own. And we did that and we got the house and we actually do that with a lot of different things in our lives.
And we are kind of masters at manifesting things that we want. Now, here's the thing. Like we don't always get everything we want in the timeline that we want it. And you're going to learn more about that when I speak about no more [00:11:00] about IVF struggles this year, but moving to this new city was just amazing.
And then once we were here, oh my God, like it was just incredible. It would just felt like , every cell in my body knew that this home would be incredibly healing for me, that this home, this place, this environment would create a new chapter for us. And that's exactly what it has done.
I probably fell in love with Toowoomba more quickly than Bruce, but now Bruce is just as in love with Toowoomba as I am. It's just this beautiful, slow living, and it just feels really soft and healing and nurturing. And yeah, we just love it. So that was one of the gifts that I gave myself is being bold, making a big move, like trusting my intuition, trusting my gut and moving somewhere.
I had never lived before, which wasn't a big city. It's a kind of a big country town to Wumba. One of the second gifts that I gave myself in [00:12:00] 2024 was really trusting my intuition. I'll explain the context around this gift is About a week before we were about to start IVF, I actually had an opportunity to work with somebody that I've been wanting to work with for like two to three years.
Like I've been watching this person's journey and how they've helped other people and basically the opportunity was to write a book, which has been something that has been on my kind of like a vision board list, something that I want to do in my life for a really long time. And however, the person who kind of teaches you this strategy and helps you to do that travels a lot and doesn't take on clients.
Often at all. And so in you know, kind of like late August I finally was able to book in like a consultation with this guy who was going to teach me [00:13:00] this process that I've been wanting to do for years. I've been watching him, the people that he's helped and being like, I want to work with this guy.
And it's just so interesting because even after years of wanting to work with him booking in the call, I was so excited. Like I'd almost already energetically decided that I was going to invest this money and I was going to work with him and I was going to write a book in 90 days and release it. And it was just even amazing to get the opportunity to speak to him because it's been so difficult.
I've tried many times over the last two to three years to actually book a meeting with this guy. And that proved really difficult, but timing's everything. And so we got on our, you know, sales call which was just so interesting because I was in the sales call and every cell in my body was no. And it was one of those times where your intuition is like screaming at you, like [00:14:00] what the answer is, but it's so confusing and it doesn't make sense because you actually want to do the thing.
That is being presented to you. And so I did my sales call with this guy and I got off and I really struggled and he really wanted me to make a decision and make this big bold move and make it kind of on his timeline, which was like, let's go, let's go now because he really works with people, all the things.
And he was excited to work with me as well, but everything with him was like, Nope. , not for you, not for you right now. And that was a really interesting time. Like that had like about a week or two weeks where we're going back and forth and email negotiating. And it didn't really matter what he offered me because every Cell in my body was like, this is not the right thing for you right now, but my ego or my human self was like, but this is what I wanted.
Like, I wanted this meeting. I [00:15:00] wanted this opportunity. I want to write a book. So why the fuck is every cell in my body saying no. And I had little bit of an idea why I knew I was about to start IVF. I hadn't done IVF since 2021. And. Those first few times doing IVF really impacted me mentally, emotionally, physically.
So I also felt like it wasn't the right time to like put a lot of pressure on myself to write a book in 90 days, knowing that for the next 90 days I was going to be, you know, Headfirst into IVF again for the first time in a couple of years. So that was one of the kind of like objections that I had, but then he offered me, you know, clauses and things like that to work around that we could take longer than 90 days, but it still was like, no, it's a no.
And I think there was just such a beautiful lesson for me to deepen my intuition, deepen my trust in myself is that sometimes You're going to want [00:16:00] to do things and your intuition is going to guide you away from the thing that you want to do. And it's not going to make a lot of sense in the moment. And it's only after you make that decision to say no or say yes.
That you're going to, in hindsight, going to get and receive all of the information as to why you needed to make that decision. So that was just a really interesting experience me. And that really led me down a path of like deepening my relationship with myself, deepening my trust in myself, my trust in my intuition.
And it also taught me an incredibly valuable lesson that I feel like I have been repeating a bit. In my time in business. is I slowed down on my decision making process. You know, a lot of the time I instantly feel a big high, a big yes. And I make decisions [00:17:00] before I've really allowed myself the time emotionally To ride the emotional way, which is very true to my human design as a emotional manifesto.
And so in the past, I've been really quick to like, feel that high, feel that yes, I want to do this and sign up and take action and then realize after the fact that actually. My intuition was saying no, my ego got in the way of my own intuition, my own inner guidance system, and now this thing is not working out or it's not the right time or whatever it ends up being.
So that was an incredibly powerful lesson for me, and I feel like, you know, it made no sense to say no to this opportunity. An opportunity that I wanted an opportunity that would have helped me scale my business and opportunity that would have got my name out there and opportunity that would have really cemented me and my story and my teachings and my wisdom and [00:18:00] really giving me a whole new platform, which is all I thought I wanted, but my God, I couldn't have been more.
Misled on actually what it was that I was wanted. And I think it led me down another path of like, wow, like I have been chasing this thing and I can just be okay. Like where I am, like what I've already done is amazing. Like the success I've already created is amazing. Like it's okay to slow down and In the process of doing that, I dismantle this old belief that I have to be moving all the time.
I have to be, you know, making big moves. I have to be upscaling all the time in order to create new things. A new level of success or income. And by saying no to this incredible opportunity, even though it did not make sense to say no, [00:19:00] what I also learned in not only just trusting myself is how fucking supported I am.
Like I am so supportive because that decision made no sense. It's no sense at all to say no to this opportunity and opportunity that I wanted, but it allowed me to one, really learn to trust my intuition, change the way that I make decisions and allow myself to ride my own emotional wave. Because on day one, I might be in a manic, like, yes, let's fucking go like rah, rah, rah, rah.
But when I actually slowed down, tap into like grounded energy versus like manic energy or like hyped up energy, the result can be really different. The answer can be really different because sometimes we're being guided by our ego and not our intuition. Now, this opportunity, I haven't ruled it out.
It's just not the right thing for me right now. [00:20:00] And that is okay. And I'm so proud of myself for trusting myself and doing the thing that made no sense. To do and declining a great opportunity because it just wasn't the right time for me. And in the process of that, I said no to that opportunity. And I started IVF and I really felt the next wave, the next calling, my intuition guiding me so strongly.
And it was like, crystal, it's actually time for you to slow down. This is not a season for you to be going balls to the wall, all in on your business. This is a time for you to actually rest. rejuvenate, give yourself space to go through IVF because a pattern that I've played throughout the years with my fertility and IVF journey is I've always put my business first.
So the reason that there's been big chunks of time where [00:21:00] we haven't been actively doing IVF, we've been actively trying. Cause we've had healthy sex life and a healthy relationship. But the reason that a lot of the time that I would pause IVF was like, Oh, something big is happening. My business, or I'm about to do a big launch, or this is my business goals this year. So a lot of the time I would like hold back on doing IVF and put my business first. And if I look back since 2022, 2023 till this year. I have , put my business before our fertility journey, and there was so much resistance. Hey, like everything in my business felt so much harder.
The last couple of years, like energetically, like, in order for me to get the same results I wanted, it just felt so much harder. And now I can see is because. You know, the universe, God, whatever you believe in, it's like trying to teach me what the right path is, right? [00:22:00] Where I need to put my energy, but I wasn't listening.
And so first I'm getting , tapped on the shoulder. Listen, I'm trying to guide you. Then I'm getting slapped across the face. Listen, hello. Then I was getting fly kicked in the face. I mean, 2022 was awesome. One of the toughest years I've ever had, you know, when people speak about years, it broke them.
And a lot of people are talking about 2024 being that year. 2022 was that year for me, like everything got really fucking hard. Like everything that had currently worked in my business. All of a sudden was not working and it really shook me to my core, really rattled my self belief. And I'm really proud of where I am now because I've worked through all of that and I'm back where I want to be, but I'm just in much more of like this really grounded place in business.
And I know why I went through that because I wasn't. Fucking listening, my intuition was guiding me, but my ego was [00:23:00] driving me and it drove me into the fucking ground, you know, mentally, emotionally, and financially like 2022 financially was such a tough year. And it came off the back of some of my biggest years in business, which was just like, you know, that'll fuck with your ego.
Talk about a humbling experience. That's been quite a journey that whole experience. So I've learned to really trust my intuition and know that I'm supported because I said no to that opportunity. Like, where was it? I was like, well, what was I fucking talking about and where exactly were we and what was my point?
My point was, is that in that process, I also learned how supportive I am because I let go of that hustle. I let go of that urgency. I let go of like climbing that peak, that mountain. And I surrendered and I let go. And I really anchored in deeply to this soft, Low error, which I had done before in business, but not in this [00:24:00] way.
It was just something different about it. And I just focus solely on IVF and really giving my all to that. And just like in my business, I was so supportive. It was so weird. Like I had this like belief that going through IVF meant that I was not going to make as much money going through IVF meant that I might.
Struggle financially. Like I had all these like weird money blocks around being a mother, having a child IVF and I always have. And so I really learned in the process of jumping off that fucking cliff before I had the clarity and the certainty But I actually, by jumping with the fear and with the unknown and with the uncertainty is what actually led me to this beautiful ground and place where I'm so fucking supported, like I'm so supported, like in my business, everything has been so smooth.
I've been so supported. I've not had to worry financially while I'm also investing a lot of money into [00:25:00] IVF and at the same time, I've been scaling back my business. You know, I haven't launched like a big offer, a big launch since May this year. And that launch was, you know, I was going to use this for, you know, dramatic effect, but that launch was a fucking schmuzzle and a failure, even though it wasn't right.
There was so much I learned in that launch. So yeah, it's just been such an incredible journey of like self-trust, surrendering and I'm so fucking protected and supported. And when I make decisions in alignment with what is best for me emotionally, energetically, even when it doesn't make sense for my business, what I'm finding is that I am still so supportive in my business.
My business has grown. Even though , I've consciously chosen to scale back, my business has stabilized, it is still grown. I've had incredible big months. I've had, you know, stable months. It's been a really easy flow [00:26:00] journey. And I love that. And part of that as well. So it goes to my next gift. So my third gift actually be honest with you, like who knows how many gifts I'm up to right now, but I think this is my third gift was In the process of all of this, I've really done a lot of deeper work on my relationship with money.
Now I teach and talk about healing your relationship with money. I've already done a lot of work, but new level, new devil. There's always something new and a Deeper things to heal and unlock and unblock and break through. And so something that I really practice this year, and I did this really unconsciously.
It happened organically based on all of these decisions that I was making and how I was choosing to show up was practicing neutrality with money. My relationship with money and my money and ego and say, my money and intuition has been really different. My ego, like, every single time someone would [00:27:00] sign up or buy my course or, you know, sign up for a long term mentorship or pay in full or, Take a payment plan.
Anytime money landed in my account, you know, I would celebrate that. But what I realized is there's a different energy between celebrating your successes and money, which I a hundred percent recommend you do, it's not what you do. It's the energy in which you do it, which is something I always say and teach.
So in hindsight, I can see that before this experience, I was. Celebrating money from a place of scarcity, like so excited that somebody had signed up so excited that somebody had, you know, signed up, pay this much money or I had this much money in my business savings accounts like my relationship with money.
There's this fine line between celebrating it from this beautiful grounded place of neutrality. Or like celebrating it [00:28:00] from this like manic scarcity rooted thing. I was unaware I had slipped into doing, which I think really became a thing for me because 2022 was such a hard year.
Like financially, it stretched me. I was like, there were days and months where I did not know because I had just, I was on the floor. I had all of this personal stuff going on and I found it really difficult to like show up in this grounded, beautiful. Magnetic energy that I normally do. So, you know, anyway, that's a whole nother, I feel like 2022, that year is done, gone past.
We don't need to spend too much time on it, but so what I practice was neutrality with money. So I still celebrate money, but I celebrate it from a neutral grounded place. Of course, money flows to me. Of course, people want to sign up for long term coaching and mentorship. Of course I have an abundance of money in my account.
Of course I'm able to save easily. So it's just a different energy. The , same, [00:29:00] same, but different. I'd love to know if that lands for you, what I am, talking about, like practicing that neutrality with money. And so when I've practiced that and I've embodied that it's completely shifted me into a whole new, like dimension.
Jen. In my relationship with money, me and money are grounded. It's easy. It's flowy. And I trust and know that money will always come to me. And because I've changed my energy once again, because I've changed my relationship and worked on my relationship with money a lot. If you've done my course, heal your money, You would know this.
I speak a lot about it. And I teach a lot of the stuff that got me to where I was, but there was something that I was missing and I couldn't see because I was in it. And that was that piece, that neutrality with money and my energy shift with money and money flows. It's easy, right? The fourth gift that I gave myself this year.[00:30:00]
Was scripting. a lot of people call it scripting. I've called it visioning in different courses and things that I teach my clients, but let's just call it scripting. Cause I feel like that's the most kind of universal term. So scripting or future pacing is another term that it's called is basically writing about your life, the way that you want it to go in the future text.
And so I picked this up in about June. I've done it many times over the years. I've taught it in lots of my courses, my students, but I really made a conscious effort in June to like start scripting, , like really disciplined. When you start something new, And you have it, it has to be from a place of discipline.
So in the beginning I committed to every day, every day until I built the habit. And then once I built the habit, it wasn't like I have to do this every day. It was, I want to do this every day. And then some days I [00:31:00] might miss it and I would crave it and I would always go back to it. And so this was a really powerful process.
And I just really scripted about The ease and flow of my business, my neutrality with money, who I was calling in the clients I wanted to work with, like my future vision for she who dares this podcast, my IVF journey, my relationship with my partner, Bruce, our life here in Toowoomba. I scripted as though everything that I was calling in and it wasn't a lot of materialistic stuff.
It was like a lot of. Being grounded and happy and at peace. And that's exactly what I've created for myself this year, even though there has been so much fucking , chaos, so much loss and grief and so many difficult days, right? So this is another moment. But not only myself, but you as a listener to realize that your mindset is incredibly powerful because [00:32:00] when your mindset strong, you can have a lot of chaos, a lot of heartbreak, a lot of struggles, but you're looking at it through a different lens.
And so you're really in a place of power where it's like, okay, something shit's happening to me and I can honor that, but I can also move through this quickly. I don't have to sit in this. And so the scripting really helped me to anchor in and focus every day on what I wanted, where I was going, what I was grateful for, who I'm becoming, who I've already been and honoring all parts of myself.
And so that was an absolute gift that I've given myself, which helped me then gift for, I've just worked with so many. Brilliant, incredible women this year, all different types of women from business mentorship to break through to doing a mix of the both and a women who have come in and done my God, at the beginning of this year, 2024, I ran my course becoming her.
I had, oh [00:33:00] my God, I can't remember. It was like somewhere between like, 30 or 40, maybe even 50. I'd have to look at the numbers, but women sign up to do becoming her. And that was incredible. I had many women go through my course, heal your money. Which was one of my greatest lessons and struggles. The last launch I did heal your money in May, 2024.
So I'm really grateful for the women I've gotten to work with. And I feel like just all the women that I've worked with, I have Relationships with like having a relationship with my client is really important to me. Like I really want to foster this, like no bullshit trust. I've got your back relationship.
Do you know what I mean? Like, so that we're creating this safety, like there's nothing's off limits, you know, we're in this together. And I feel like. The relationships that I create with my clients, the women that I've pulled in is a testament to like everything else amazing that's happened in my business.
Another gift I gave [00:34:00] myself this year, and it's actually one of my biggest intentions for 2025, and I'm going to do a whole nother episode of like what I'm doing in 2025, but is boundaries. I think once I declined the book offer and surrendered to my IVF journey and consciously chose my soft, slow error, what I noticed was that the current boundaries that I did not have were no longer in alignment with what I was creating.
In my new season of slow, soft IVF. And so it really highlighted to me where I've done a disservice to myself and my business where I'm so available and. , so acting from a place of urgency all the time, where it's like, I'm available at 9 PM, 10 PM, 6 AM. And it's not my client's fault. Like my clients are amazing.
anyone can message me at [00:35:00] any time. I have to take radical responsibility where I have been available, where I've not honored myself, where I've created an environment where People message me in my world and my clients. And if I don't message, this might be for some people, my clients are pretty amazing.
So this doesn't happen, but I am pretty instant. Like, Say on Instagram for business, like when you book an Airbnb, it'll give you like a, This Airbnb hosts typically replies in one day, like if that was showing up on all of my social media accounts and my emails, it would be like Crystal Wilson instantly replies 99.
9 percent of the time. And I feel like everything works in business until it doesn't. And so something that's been highlighted to me, which has been a. Struggle, but it's also one of my greatest gifts is that I need, like, I really need better boundaries for myself, for my business. Because also I'm kind of [00:36:00] unconsciously been acting in a reactive way.
It's not always in a grounded energy. And so. When I chose this soft, slow IVF, nurturing, grounding myself, it became very clear to me that I was like, wow, Crystal, , like, this hasn't been a problem for you up until now, but this is definitely something that you need to change. So that's been really interesting. some things that came from this, like just random things, like, I've decided and I've kind of already been this way, but I had a couple of like, I don't know, like people come to me this year, which not in like a super hater way, but just like project a lot of their negativity on me publicly.
And was like cutthroat. Like I actually had an old client message me. After I post about my IVF struggles and how I was actually doing really well. So even though I was going through IVF, I was just talking about my mindset and how like proud I was myself because we just had a failed IVF [00:37:00] and I felt really good and strong.
I still had hope and I felt. A lot of positivity, even though I just found out that our IVF cycle had failed. And I actually had an old, old client message me and say to me, which was just like, what the actual fuck? What did she say? Oh, how do you think it makes everyone feel when you do your grandiose post about how amazing your life is?
And I was like, Oh, I was like, honestly, I was just so fucking sad for her. I was so fucking sad for her that even though we had done all of this really powerful work and she'd made so much progress in our work that she had landed back in this place. And this client has struggled with alcoholism and things like that.
So to me, it felt like she was drinking again and she was rage texting me. This really [00:38:00] horrible message after I'd just done a post about my failed idea saying, , it's just like, you know, people cannot see themselves. And so this happened and in the past, I feel like I would have been more like, how can I help?
Like what's going on? And I just was like, you know what? This is not going to fucking fly with me anymore. I'm not going to be your fucking emotional punching bag. Whether you've been a client, you're a current client, you're a friend, a family member. I have no fucking time for this anymore. , and if I keep lowering myself to this behavior, like this is why I won't ever get to where I want to get to because it's like, this behavior is not acceptable.
To anyone, right? Even if you've been my client in the past. And so I literally was just like, swipe, archive, block, took her off my email list, took her out of every group she's ever been in with me took her out of every course she's ever been. I was like, boundary, not fucking happening. I'm not going to [00:39:00] allow somebody who, you know, It felt like she might be drinking again, rage text me and abuse me on one of my hardest days sharing about my failed IVF.
And so I had a few like incidences like that this year, like that's just a random example. And it's such a. unique example like that has never happened to me before. But I was really proud of myself for just being like, absolutely not fucking happening. Not even indulging in this. I don't have to help this person.
If this person doesn't want to help themselves, especially if they're going to attack me in this way. So I was just really proud of myself for that. I've been shown this year is where I've had leaky boundaries, where I've betrayed myself, where I need to implement stronger boundaries for myself, my business, which then in turn is going to have a really powerful impact on the work that I do with women and my clients as well.
Okay. So that's all my like gifts that I gave myself. Let's Let's talk [00:40:00] about some of my biggest struggles this year that have really helped me like get so clear on what needs to change and helped me to really anchor into all of the gifts that I just shared with you. I did my last heal your money launch in May and it was just so amazing.
Chaotic. Everything is always planned. like I teach launch strategy. So everything was planned and organized, but then we ended up moving the week that I was launching and that extra like puzzle piece being thrown at me just unraveled me and the launch just didn't go the way that I wanted it to go.
I I just want to like preface this. I still had it. Incredible women join, kill your money. Some of those women now are my private clients. So when I talk about it being a failure, I never want anyone who joined that round to think that like, it wasn't enough. It wasn't about that. It was about the.
Energy and money that I [00:41:00] invested. And then I just couldn't hold the launch, you know, with the move. And so it's more about me being disappointed in like the chaotic way that I did the launch , and like how I could have been. Had a cleaner strategy and I was making the wrong decisions, you know, and in the moment I couldn't say I was making the wrong decisions until hindsight.
And also the biggest reason why I talk about the last heal your money launch being a failure is because I was actually, and this is exactly it. This is exactly it. Nothing else is that I was actually, I'm going to get emotional talking about it, but I was actually like, how am I going to do the rest of this podcast?
I can't even get this out. We were actually meant to start IVF. We actually saw our IVF doctor in January. And then I did the becoming her launch, which was a huge success. It's so amazing. And so many women joined. It was so powerful. And then I said, [00:42:00] I was going to start IVF. In March and then March rolled around and I did what I had been doing the last couple of years.
I put the IVF off. I was like, no, no, no. I really want to do this next thing. I want to do this next thing. I'm I was always chasing the next thing, right? Like my energy wasn't actually fully in and aligned to becoming a mom and doing IVF. I was like trying to do. Like both, but my energy wasn't really in it.
And so I, put off IVF in March and then I said I was going to do it in May, but then I decided to do a heal your money launch in May and then everything that could go wrong with the launch my launch strategy was fine. It was just other things that started popping up that started to add more things. Everything that could go wrong with that launch did go wrong with that launch.
I'm very grateful for the women who did join, who've gone on to become clients. You know, it's, not about that. It was like the universe is like, this is it, [00:43:00] crystal. You've got to get your fucking shit together. You say you want to be a mom. You say you want to have a child, but every time it's time to actually commit to that.
You find some way to get distracted in your business. You find some way to keep climbing this mountain. And it felt like the universe like brought me to my knees and like, bitch slapped the fuck out of me because I would have tech issues. We had link issues, the night of the zoom, the thing wouldn't freaking work.
I mean like everything that could go wrong at a launch did. And it was so clear to me and why I say this launch was my hardest. And it felt like. Failure was because emotionally afterwards, it was like the veil had been lifted and I could see why it had failed because I kept choosing things to do in my business versus really committing myself to starting a family and doing IVF, which might sound weird because we've done a lot of IVF, but You're going to either get it [00:44:00] or you're going to miss it.
And that's fine. And so it was really after that, we closed that launch off. I had zero in my tank because there's so many things had gone wrong. And I was just emotionally broken. I remember like sending Tiffany, my VA, a and cause she knows like obviously how hard I work, how much I put into everything behind the scenes.
And when we've got numbers, but we didn't get right numbers. We didn't get enough. Enrollments and stuff like that to like really break even on the investment, the costs and the energy of the launch. And she was like, Hey, I just want to check in and see how you're doing. And I just like broke down a VM to her.
And I was just like, spewing all this stuff about IVF, like. I feel so guilty. Like I pushed out IVF to do this launch and it hasn't been what I thought it would be or what I needed it to be. I just didn't get the numbers that I would normally get. And I was just like, what the fuck?
I feel like a failure. And felt like I had let Bruce down because, you know, this was meant to be this huge, successful launch before we did IVF. And I just [00:45:00] felt like, Oh my God. And it was such a wake up call. I needed to change the way that I was operating and the decisions that I was making my business, because like the universe was literally bitch slapping me in the face and I was choosing not to listen.
And then that happened, it brought me to my knees and I completely changed how I did business from there on in. And I made IVFA priority and what I learned in that process, which is so beautiful and Silver lining is that I'm so supportive. Like the minute I let go of hustling and putting IVF and doing other launch and rah, rah, rah, rah.
And I just fully surrendered to the IVF process and trusted that everything would work out in my business. Everything has worked out in my business. I've had more financial stability and success. This year doing less focusing on IVF than I have in 2022 and 2023, you know, [00:46:00] it's like wild to me. And it's like, I know this shit, but sometimes when you're so in your shit, it's hard to see the rainbow from the clouds.
So that was one of my struggles, but as you can see, it was also one of my greatest fucking lessons of 2024. The other really hard thing we had to do this year, I've only spoken about this briefly on social media, I'm not going to get into the details, but one of the hardest things we had to do this year was we actually had to put our dog Biggie down.
I don't even think I shared that we put him down on social media. It was just too sad, too traumatic, too heartbreaking. And we just couldn't deal with the onslaught of questions from people. So we just said that he was no longer with us, but we actually had to make the decision, which was the.
Hardest and most heartbreaking decision I've ever had to make. We've ever had to go through as a couple, had to choose to [00:47:00] put him down. We had a lot of issues with Biggie from the minute we got him, we knew something wasn't right with him and we did everything we could. We took him to you know, highly sought after behavioral specialists.
We did everything we could. He was on six. Tablets a day to calm his anxiety and help with his aggression. And to be honest with you, we got him in 2021 it was like three and a half years. It was so hard, so hard. We loved him. Anyone who's known me for a long time, , like having a dog was my dream, like having my own dog was. know, before I even did any of this work, I'm talking like 15 years ago, that was the thing on my vision board every year. I wanted my own dog. It was just something that I was so wanted. And then we got Biggie and it just wasn't the experience that we hoped for. It wasn't, it wasn't. He was so beautiful and we loved him, [00:48:00] but he had so many like.
Mental problems and had him on 6 tablets a day. We had it with behavioral specialist. We just did everything we could. But he was aggressive. He said he was aggressive to us from the 1st day. We brought him home, but also incredibly loving. And this is what had made the decision so difficult because.
You know, there were these beautiful, loving moments. He just couldn't control his behavior. Anyway, , we just put up with it. We were like, we never even considered putting him down. I didn't even know that that was even thing that people did. I really feel like I'm so supported this year because biggies aggression, especially once we moved here, it got worse.
It was getting worse and increasingly worse. Like he was attacking us multiple times a day. And that's only one thing that he was doing. There were so many things, our lives were incredibly stressful. We were at the vet constantly. He would eat anything. So anything that he could get, he would eat and [00:49:00] swallow.
I mean, I would say we spent close to 30 grand in vet bills in that three years, because literally every week he would eat something and I would have to take him to the vet and have to get his stomach pump. You have to get charcoal. It was just the most incredibly stressful three years of our life, but we loved him.
And I would say to Bruce, like, we're suffering and this is difficult, but we love him and this is what's happened and we are going to make this work and we felt that was the car that was dealt. But anyway, the aggression kept getting worse and worse as he was getting older, it was getting worse and worse and he became very aggressive between Bruce and I.
It got to the point and we hadn't even really noticed this. This was just So our day to day normal that we weren't even aware of how much it was impacting our lives and our relationship. We could no longer touch, cuddle, kiss, lying in bed. It got to the point that we had to put pillows in between Bruce and I, so that Biggie couldn't get [00:50:00] in between us when we were sleeping because he would attack us in the night.
And we couldn't even get him off the bed. He just like, you know, we couldn't get him to not sleep in our bedroom. Like, we just tried all of those things to create safety in our home. And he was just so. You know, he was so unpredictable.
He was just so unable to be trained but also the cutest, most loving, beautiful, it was hard because he would want love. He was so loving. So he would come up to you and he would want you to pick him up and cuddle him. And you would do that and then something would switch and he would be all of a sudden attacking you.
Like he used to literally pour me to constantly pat him and I would be patting him, which I love to do. But I was so scared because what would happen is you'd be patting him. But if you patted him like in the wrong way, all of a sudden he's attacking you. But then he would like keep patting me. And it was just like so difficult.
I was like, I'm not really going to get into it. And I'm officially getting into it. Anyway, one of the last things that [00:51:00] happened was he started to attack us in bed. And that became really scary because. Down all of a sudden we can't protect ourselves as much as when we're standing up or sitting on the couch.
And so what happened one night was I rolled over in my sleep and Biggie actually attacked me in the face. He literally like got my face and I am so. So incredibly grateful that it didn't cause any damage. And then , this is crazy. Literally , a few days later I'm on Instagram scrolling and I see a girl sharing a story and she's got this huge scar all the way over her.
Thanks. I just caught my attention and I watched the video on like the real and she was sharing the story that how her cocker spaniel and biggie was how cocker spaniel had bit her and didn't bite her in a super aggressive attacking way. He just went for her and he clipped her nose and because all of [00:52:00] the blood vessels for your whole face are all connected.
It was only this little damage on her nose and she's now had six surgeries to try and fix the blood vessels in her face and her whole face was completely like deformed. Her eyebrows were all up and down, half her nose was gone and she was sharing her story about how her beautiful dog who had a little bit of aggression.
Went for her when she got her nose and this is her story. And it was like the universe sent me that video because he was attacking us in bed every night and this, but only a few days earlier, he'd attacked me in the face in the middle of the night as I rolled over. And it was just like the universe was showing me that like something bad's going to happen.
And If we don't do something that we'll regret it. And this is how much we didn't want to do this. I used to say to Bruce, once our behavioral specialist started talking about euthanasia, I said to Bruce, we're not putting [00:53:00] him down unless he causes major damage, like to us. we couldn't have anyone mind him or anything like that.
We had to stop all of that. And so for me, I was like, I will not do this unless, okay. He fully attacks me and I am hurt or you're hurt. But then I realized from seeing that video is that like we would be so regretful. Like I've never forgiven myself if I, you know what I mean? Let it get to that point.
Anyway, that's the short, long end of it. So we, put our dog down and made the decision like with the vet, with the behavioral specialist based on their advice. \ , it was the most torturous thing we ever did. So say we made the decision on a Friday and then we said, let's do it next Saturday.
And then we want to spend a week with him. We want to give him steak every day and just spend as much time with him in that week. And it was fucking torture. It was the worst week because every day, when you. We're going to have to put him down on that day. And it just was horrible. I'm glad we got to spend that week with him, but like [00:54:00] emotionally it was torture to know that that day was coming anyway, that was really fucking difficult and horrible.
And then in September, we started IVF. I've shared a lot about my IVF journey on Instagram. We started and we had frozen embryos and we, you know, have been deep in IVF since September. It's been quite an aggressive protocol that I've been on for IVF. I was doing the Bondi immune protocol, which was injections on a high level of steroids, which come with a whole range of different side effects.
And we were so hopeful, like we really thought that it It was going to work. And I think, you know, what I love about women who are going through fertility and IVF is we're so fucking hopeful. Like we've had more failures, more knockdowns in our fertility journey. And I speak to other women and I often say to them when they're going through their IVF journey, like, it's so weird, like, We should have no hope [00:55:00] and I hold on to so much hope that this is going to happen.
Maybe it's because intuitively I know it's going to happen, but this is just the fucking card I've been dealt. We've been on a fertility journey for eight years. Long years now, and we've had lots of heartbreak, lots of failure, lots of IVF, lots of other things other than IVF as well.
And so after putting it off and putting my business first for the last few years, and that not going the way that I wanted it to go, I finally surrendered and we went headfirst into IVF, we started in September. Quite I said, intense protocol and our second transfer.
We'd already done one in 2021, which failed. We're doing one this year in September, which failed and it was horrible. and I did amazing, but that's the thing. , it wasn't a great experience. I was on 22 tablets a day, injections inserting pessaries into myself which all come with different side effects.
I was, you know, the nausea, the exhaustion, the nausea was really bad. The first round, I was [00:56:00] vomiting in buckets in between client sessions. And unfortunately it was not successful. And then I had to do an IVF like related surgery in October. And then we were so hopeful again, so hopeful that the next transfer in November was going to work.
And unfortunately that was unsuccessful as well. when I reflect on this year, I've had some really tough moments, but I've had lots of beautiful moments as well. And even my tough moments, I mean, there's no silver lining. With the biggie situation, that thing was just heartbreaking and torturous.
But , maybe the silver lining with the biggie situation is that since that's happened, like Bruce and I, our relationship is just like 10 times what it used to be. You know what I mean? We didn't realize the impact of all of that stress. What it was doing to our relationship and we are just so in love in the best place ever and just can be our natural self.
We're affectionate, loving people. [00:57:00] And so we're just like slipped back into like this really beautiful place in our relationship. And so we're so grateful for the time that we had with him. It's going to take me a long time to get over it. Like I even just at Christmas. On Christmas day they were like Five dogs at the house and they're all little dogs.
Like Biggie was, and I literally like, every time I went to Pat any of the dogs, I just like have this knee jerk reaction to like pull away because I'm like, so scared of getting attacked. I'm just so used to it. I've spent three and a half years of being attacked all the time. say to Bruce, I don't think I'll ever get another dog again.
The whole thing was just way too traumatic. Well, let's see. I just want to focus on other things. It's not on my radar at all. And so all these struggles that we've had , there's been beautiful lessons. And learnings and a lot of my kind of harder, darker moments in 2024 taught me some of my greatest fucking lessons.
And so what I want to leave you with today, I'd love for you to do this process. Like what were the gifts that you gave yourself? And when I say [00:58:00] gift, I mean like , what decisions did you make? What moves did you make in your life, your business this year that you can go, wow, what a beautiful gift that was that I gave myself.
And then also look at like, What were like the heart of things, the challenges, the failures that I had this year that actually, you know, really have helped me to see things I couldn't see to step into. I wanted to become and find that silver lining. Find that beautiful, powerful lesson. For yourself in your hard moment, excuse me.
I've done a lot of crying. And then the third thing I want to leave you with is I want you to acknowledge who you have been. I want you to honor, acknowledge, love, and celebrate who you have been in 2024. And I want you to do that before you. Kind of tell yourself all the things you want to change all the things you need to do.
So before you go straight to like, okay, this is [00:59:00] what I'm working on. This is what I need to become. This is what I'm changing. I want you to really reflect and honor yourself, these gifts, your struggles, your challenges, like all that you overcame, my 2022. And I know for some of you are listening, this had.
My year of 2022 is the year you're having in 2024. Like I struggled to get out of bed. Like , some of those days, up. I still did shit in my business. I still had all my clients. I still had launches. Nobody knew what I was going through. In my own personal life. And so if that's you this year, like fucking celebrate every shower you had every time you got up and you went to work every time you met a friend for coffee, when all you wanted to do is stay in the dark room, like whatever it was, even your hardest struggles and challenges of 2024 show you how strong you are, how resilient you are, how powerful you are.
Your failures are most of the time showing you. Your greatest strengths, your greatest learning. So anyway, that's a deep dive on my [01:00:00] reflections of 2024. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here and I'll see you guys next time. [01:01:00]
